Confuzzled. :/
Okay, scratch that last post. Now I’m just so confused. I’ve already made up my mind but I’m still confused.
So Richard* said he wanted me back, and most people would think that’s romantic, but I don’t. He tells me that he can’t sleep, he can’t think, he’s nothing without me, and he’s literally begging me on his knees. And people tell me that that’s romantic, even Harry* says so too, but I think otherwise. I feel so constricted. I thought I still had feelings for him when I was last talking to him at Artie’s* party, but then I just realized that those feelings were just remnants of the past. I finally let my wall down and found out all on my own that those feelings that I used to have for Richard are no longer there. I’ve moved on while he still held on. I didn’t want to wait for him even though he waited for me, and would wait forever for me. But I’m sorry that I just don’t feel the same way anymore. I’m moving on.
On the other hand, Harry is just being such a nice guy and a douche at the same time for just letting me go and being “understanding” about all this. I mean, I understand that out of the two Richard deserves a chance with me more because he’s been in love with me for 3 years, and Harry has only known me for more than 3 weeks. I’ll stand for that. But Harry saying that he’s going to just be friends with me and not wanting to put up a fight, sigh, obviously he doesn’t love me as much. Okay okay it’s only fair to say that Richard deserves me more because he’s loved me longer, but I don’t want to stick to my past since I’ve already moved on. So the only solution is to just say no to the both of them. I’ll stay friends with Harry, and if ever we wish to take another step ahead then I’m going all out for it. I think I’ve fallen for him more than I know, and I think I love him more than he probably does. Oh God. I sound so pathetic and desperate. But honestly, this is how I feel. I’ve never cried for a guy before, not even Richard. And yet I cried for Harry.
I swear if either of them were to read this then I shall just go and fucking kill myself now. LOL. And my Tumblr is soooo emoooo. :’(
Anywhooo, I’m currently in Principles of Advertising class, definitely not listening to a word of the lecture. I can’t do my radio podcast project now because she’ll behead me for doing other work in her class. Well, maybe not because she’s not that strict anyway. So since I’m sort of free and Facebook is being a bitch by not opening for me, I decided now’s the time for me to blog about this whole ordeal I’m facing at the moment. I’m physically exhausted due to MKM practices, mentally exhausted due to the projects I have to do, and emotionally drained due to this whole drama between Richard, Harry and I.
Anyway, gotta go now. Till next time!
*Pseudonyms that I keep changing for every post. I think.
